Game of the Year 2012 — 90s_underconstruction.gif

For a second year in a row, I participated in voting for the best games of the year on NeoGAF. It is a work in progress, as the deadline is in mid-January and I have a number of games to get through (and some to even open, like Nintendo Land). I’m pretty confident about these right now.

You can read my comments for these games here, but here is the quick list, ranked:

1) The Walking Dead (Telltale Games, PC)
2) Sleeping Dogs (United Front Games, PC)
3) Kid Icarus Uprising (Sora Ltd., 3DS)
4) Journey (Thatgamecompany, PS3)
5) Theatrhythm Final Fantasy (Indies Zero, 3DS)
6) Sound Shapes (Queasy Games, PS Vita)
7) New Super Mario Bros U (Nintendo EAD, Wii U)

Honorable mentions:
a) Binary Domain (Yakuza Studio, PC)
b) Tokyo Jungle (SCEJ Studio, PS3)

2011 “Late to the party” award: Yakuza 4 (Yakuza Studio, PS3)

There are a handful of titles I’m trying to give attention to, and Persona 4 Golden has gotten most of it. It’s definitely more upbeat compared to what feels like the more serious, somewhat darker tone of Persona 3 Portable. The color scheme is incredibly vivid and accompanied by great art design, especially on the Vita’s OLED screen. I’m enjoying the writing so far and even the English voice-acting. It’s the social link system, bonding with characters so you can create more powerful Personas in battle, that keeps me hooked. I love experimenting with the fusion system that allows the creation of powerful Personas. I’m 60 hours into it, but nowhere near finished.

A surprising contender for the best of 2012 is Crimson Shroud, from studio Level 5 for 3DS. Superb writing: a fantasy novel cross-bred with a tabletop RPG. Its characters are affixed to bases like game pieces, no less. The battle system requires careful planning based on various circumstances. I enjoy its characters so far and its narrative. I’m only on Chapter 2, but so far a positive experience.

Nintendo 3DS ‘Ambassador’ program reminds us of primitive goodness and frustration with free NES games.

Surprisingly, Nintendo seemed to have uploaded their free Nintendo Entertainment System games for their 3DS ‘Ambassadors’ a day earlier than they had announced. Typically I’m sitting around in the afternoon to evening waiting for something new to show up on the Virtual Console. I think Nintendo is still trying to figure out this newfangled “internet” business the kids are raving about today.

The NES games are Nintendo’s thanks to folks who purchased their Nintendo 3DS device at the original $249 price tag before it was officially lowered to $169 last month due more than likely to unmet sales expectations. 10 Game Boy Advance games were also included in this reward package. Five have been confirmed.

The following GBA games have been confirmed as of this entry:

• Mario Kart: Super Circuit (2001)
• Metroid: Fusion (2002)
• Super Mario Advance 3: Yoshi’s Island (1995, 2002)*
• Wario Ware, Inc.: Mega Microgame$ (2003)
• Mario vs. Donkey Kong (2004)

*Super Mario Advance 3: Yoshi’s Island is a Game Boy Advance port of the 1995 Super Mario World 2: Yoshi’s Island originally on the Super Nintendo Entertainment System. Super Mario Advance 4: Super Mario Bros. 3 (1990, 2003) has been rumored to be part of the package.

Leave it to Nintendo to refrain from keeping it simple, however. Their interface for browsing has typically been notoriously convoluted. Unless there was another way some of us completely missed, this is how you access your free NES games:

1. Access the Nintendo eShop from the 3DS menu.
2. Tap ‘Menu’
3. Find and tap ‘Settings / Other’
4. Find and tap ‘Your Downloads’
5. Find one of the NES games such as Super Mario Bros. and tap ‘Redownload’
6. Once the download finishes, repeat Step 2…

I’m not even kidding. When it asks if you’d like to continue, you are taken back to the first eShop menu, and it becomes a lather and repeat process for all six steps. I use a very good internet connection at home, but folks who aren’t so lucky may be sitting tight for a bit.

Nintendo released the following games, and I will be talking about some of them today:

• Donkey Kong, Jr. (1982)
• Balloon Fight (1984)
• Ice Climbers (1985)
• Wrecking Crew (1985)
• Super Mario Bros. (1985)
• Metroid (1986)
• The Legend of Zelda (1986)
• Zelda II: The Adventure of Link (1987)
• NES Open Tournament Golf (1991)
• Yoshi (1992)

Possibly the most successful spin-off of all time. /kanyewest

Super Mario Bros.

A long lost gem by Nintendo, never to be ever revisited–who am I kidding? You know what this is. Your grandmother knows who he is. Moses knew what Super Mario Bros. was and he split the Red Sea in two to find a copy. This was just the beginning of an empire, domination of a world whose subjects would lovingly get down on their knees and bow to a little man in red overalls. To be honest, I’m not one hundred percent on whether Super Mario Bros. was actually a launch game for the NES. Eventually Nintendo sold NES consoles that included the more common Super Mario Bros. / Duck Hunt two-in-one cartridge in addition to the gray Zapper gun accessory (I think). It is famously Mario’s first real grand adventure having legally changed his name from “Jumpman” and moving to bigger and better things from climbing ladders and avoiding barrels in Donkey Kong (1981). Super Mario Bros. is just about my age, and it’s still one of the most accessible games ever developed. The challenge is perfect. It’s still a fun way to kill a little time if you decide not to use any warp zone pipes. The concept and world design was crazy enough to keep running with it for decades. Its retro graphics have not aged well, but arguably everything else has. In a time now where people are playing quick games on their mobile phones and people embracing indie-developed homages like Super Meat Boy, the old has inverted into new. Playing this straight (that is to say, without any warping), I was able to get to 7-3 before I finally saw a Game Over screen. Remind me to try that Koopa turtle 1-Up trick next time.

Joust, Nintendo style.

Balloon Fight

Balloon Fight is the surprise hit of this collection for me and possibly my favorite in this collection. This is most likely because of my strange obsession with the 1982 Williams Electronics arcade game Joust. In Joust, you repeatedly tap a button to make your character’s giant ostrich fly around while trying to take out enemy characters on their ostriches before they have a chance to do the same to you. You are, well, jousting. I am not a great Joust player, but I love the idea and the design and the execution. Balloon Fight takes this idea and spins it into a friendlier “I’m a guy floating on a balloon and I need to take these birds out before they take me out over water instead of lava.” I think it’s even better embracing the game as an adult because of the hilarious concept and the hilarious idea of birds needing to float on balloons rather than just flying around. The fact that a man is taking birds out of the sky when they may have more of a right to be there than he does is something to ponder. Maybe they believe in fair competition, which explains why it’s one man versus about five or six birds per stage. Not to recycle the point, but much like Super Mario Bros. I found it to be a very fun pick-up-and-play kind of game and it’s the kind of thing you will find today in some mobile app stores. There is a two-player mode, but I’m not actually sure that’s supported on the 3DS. The third mode is “Balloon Trip,” which has the player trying to keep the balloon guy afloat dodging lightning bolts and popping other balloons. Thumbs up, I say.

The world's hungriest dragon.

Yoshi

To be perfectly honest, there isn’t much I feel I can say on Yoshi. It seemed like Nintendo wanted to get its fill of puzzle games in like Dr. Mario and Yoshi’s Cookie after the success of Tetris on Game Boy. In this game, you mix and match Mario’s recognizable rogue’s gallery and essentially score points connecting the same enemies together. Score good combos and keep the queues from spilling over and resulting in a Game Over. Occasionally, top and bottom halves of Yoshi’s eggs will drop, and if you manage to sandwich in many enemies in between the halves, you can score a lot of bonus points and hatch a Yoshi. This is an okay little time-waster, but there is something more appealing about Dr. Mario and Tetris. Yoshi feels rather limited.

Cruelty in a box.

Zelda II: The Adventure of Link

I should probably alert you to the fact that I didn’t exactly play this on the 3DS, but I recently did play it on the Wii Virtual Console from beginning to end. Zelda II has a bit of gained infamy over the years because it’s a bit of a departure from the design of The Legend of Zelda, which preceded it. The side-scrolling combat of Zelda II would never really see its way into any future two-dimensional entry of the series, nor would the idea of gaining experience points to strengthen health or magic or attacks. We would see the idea of visiting towns and talking to non-player characters who dispense more useless advice than useful in future games. Zelda II might be remembered for two things, if anything: “I am Error,” and its difficulty.

Like the first game, the player travels to several palaces to defeat the boss and find an important item for later use. Honestly, it feels like you as the player don’t have much to go on when not only unlocking new spells, but discovering locations and especially the locations of the palaces of Hyrule. In 2011, this would be a complaint, but I remember that in the ancient calendar year of 1988, a lot of secrets that weren’t hinted at were most likely only available through an issue of Nintendo Power. It’s probably how Nintendo got you to get a subscription! A lot of the game’s difficulty comes in the palaces, where you meet an entirely different set of enemies compared to the ones you run into in the game’s overworld map. In addition, many enemies are just as skilled with a blade as Link is, and you have to maneuver and time your hits to even get a hit in of maybe five just to get to a new area. The palaces become mazes and some areas are accessed in ways that are so not made clear. Unfortunately, if you lose all of your lives (yet another feature that would never be revisited in this series), you start all over from Zelda’s palace where she rests (until you wake her by acquiring the Triforce of Courage) and you have to make your way all the way back. This got especially infuriating at Death Mountain on your way to the final palace. Death Mountain is the stuff of nightmares, with its cruel enemies and their cruel patterns. It is also the game’s real test of courage not only for Link, but for us, who were willing to toil away all those hours gaining strength, to summon the courage needed to face that final palace, where heroes are forged. *ahem* Sorry, got carried away there. The point is, that place is a bitch!

Haunting your childhood dreams.

Zelda II is arguably the least appreciated game in the Legend of Zelda series, but it does have its charm and its difficulty is the stuff of legends. I always applauded Nintendo’s efforts to experiment with different ideas (and that does not include slapping Mario sprites on Doki Doki Panic! and calling it Super Mario Bros. 2) when they did. I was personally relieved when I finished the game finally, compared to my sadness when I finished Ocarina of Time 3D.

It may be a little off for me to jump right into talking about Zelda II without even discussing The Legend of Zelda, but I intend to get to it soon now that I have access to it again. I used to have the Gamecube Collector’s Disc edition from 2003, which had the NES games, Ocarina of Time, and Majora’s Mask but I sold it off.

The next entry will, of course, cover more NES games in this package as I get to them.

Rise of the Planet of the Apes — Closing up the Summer 2011 shop.

I am going to instill a truth upon you. Rise of the Planet of the Apes is the best film that Hollywood has served us this summer, hands down. This movie could have been something of a disaster at worst, and just a mediocre, soulless cash-in (you know, like the 2001 Tim Burton movie) at best. Movies like 30 Minutes or Less, Final Destination 5, and the remake of Conan the Barbarian are all set to close out another season of blockbusters, but really, you should close your summer out with a tale of the risks of science, its battle, or rather struggling coexistence with nature, and a simian revolution that carries more emotional weight than a number of films you will see this year.

Originally I wanted to write a formal review. I have seen the movie two times, and I will watch it again when it’s for sale on Blu-ray. I own the soundtrack, because the intensity that is present when Rocket attacks Caesar in a quest for dominance. Caesar, of course, has an advantage here that later leads into the film’s climax on the Golden Gate Bridge. I’m getting ahead of myself here.

The movie introduces us to Will Rodman, a scientist employed at Gen Sys, whose primary research consists of a solid treatment for Alzheimer’s disease. Tests are performed on apes, one of which is Bright Eyes, who shows rapid progress and increased signs of functionality and intelligence. Rodman’s boss thinks this treatment is ready for sale, but the proposal meeting with the board goes terribly wrong when Bright Eyes becomes manic and incredibly aggressive, attacking employees before ultimately taken down by building security. The board mistakenly believes this is a side effect of the ALZ-112 treatment, when the reality is that Bright Eyes has given birth and was protecting her child. In the aftermath, the apes are destroyed and Will reluctantly takes the baby chimp home.

We then get an insight into Will’s life outside of Gen Sys, where we meet his father Charles, a musician and teacher who is dangerously succumbing to Alzheimer’s disease and so the audience now has an emotional stake in Will’s battle to perfect this treatment. The amazing thing about Lithgow’s performance is that his dangerous fits were somewhat similar to his character on Third Rock from the Sun in his states of mania, forgetfulness, and near-insanity. Lithgow knows how to do drama, though, if you’d seen the last season or so of Dexter. We go through years of bonding and interaction between Will, Charles, and baby ape Caesar, who grows into a highly intelligent ape as it is explained that Bright Eyes’ reception of the ALZ-112 treatment passed on genetically.

The film does a fantastic job in characterizing Caesar. He isn’t merely visual effects, nor is he just “Caesar the ape.” He is simply Caesar. The film successfully lets us know this is his story. He does everyday human tasks, as mundane as we see them, but he also retains the sharper, more finely-tuned survival instincts as an animal. The film is a battle of science versus nature.

Traffic reports suggest you stay away from the Golden Gate Bridge today.

Caesar continues to show rather advanced signs of intelligence and cognition, yet his instinct to protect his family unfortunately lead to his detention at an animal control center. Typical red tape, court orders, etc., prevent his release, but Will also continues research on a new variant of the ALZ-112 after his father finally succumbs and passes on after noting Caesar’s progress.

From there on, Rise of the Planet of the Apes should have solely focused on Caesar, and it mostly does this. At first I was left wondering why we were still with Gen Sys, with Will, with this treatment. However, almost like a stage play or even a game of chess, all of the characters, these roles, play their parts in a finely-stitched story. Caesar is portrayed by Andy Serkis, who brought Gollum to life in Peter Jackson’s direction of The Lord of the Rings trilogy and the titular gorilla King Kong in Jackson’s 2005 remake of the 1933 film. Serkis plays the role in a way where he is not only trying to establish his leadership with the other simians imprisoned with him, but with us, the audience. We want to follow him every step of the way. This is why the film succeeds. With a few side plots carefully making its way into the battle, they bring some interesting plausibility to this revolution, where it will lead, and what this means for our race and our future. The film raises a few issues about identity, where we truly belong in life, and differences between pride and tyranny as evidenced when Caesar orders other apes not to kill the humans, and thus the audience does not turn against Caesar. The goal is to have their voices heard and to experience a freedom they fought for and will use to their advantage in the long run. Don’t kid yourself. This is a rather frightening thought from the human perspective, but all we can do is watch with awe. By the end, every emotional moment goes above and beyond, and this is truly one of the more emotional films to have released this year.

To top it off, Patrick Doyle’s score is amazingly intense and helps carry our emotions and expectations through to the grand finale.

"I have to go now. My planet, that is to say your planet, needs me."

Catherine, Part I — A tale of infidelity, morality, discovery, and sheep men.

Catherine is rather extraordinary. If you were to simply pick up the box and see the artwork, you might put it back and dismiss it as a quirky Japanese dating sim that somehow washed ashore here to indulge the very, very lonely. I’m maybe an eighth accurate on that. Who or what is Catherine, you ask? Where to begin?

We’re introduced to Vincent and Katherine, a couple struggling to keep their relationship afloat. Katherine is ready to commit, while Vincent is, well, not so sure. He’s breaking in a new job, and he seems to be an overall nervous wreck about entertaining the notion of marriage. After a rather curt discussion, Katherine leaves, leaving Vincent to drown his sorrows in pizza and glass after glass of rum and Coke at The Stray Sheep, where he (and, consequently, the player) spends a lot of time at. A woman who I can only describe as anime’s take on Cindy Brady (commence cringing!) sits down at Vincent’s table and heavily flirts with him. She is Catherine, and she is temptation and sin personified. Later in the night, Vincent retires, heads to sleep, and has a nightmare. This is where the journey begins.

Perhaps the main course of Catherine, we guide Vincent through a puzzle of climbing, pushing, and pulling block after block in some deranged setting that may very well be a swinging bachelor’s version of Hell. All I’m thinking about moving through this introductory puzzle is the game Q*Bert — a version of Q*Bert that delves into the psyche of the neurotic male.

Survive the nightmare, and Vincent wakes up in terror, unaware he has spent the night with the mysterious Catherine, and from there we’re to determine how Vincent will handle this.

When we’re not guiding Vincent through the nightmares, we’re answering his text messages. Much like the dialogue wheels and choices seen in games like the Mass Effect and Dragon Age games, we can choose the tone of Vincent’s replies to Katherine and Catherine, whether apologetic, condescending, angry, or pathetic responses. There is, of course, some “morality” bar represented by an angel and a demon that determines whether Vincent is heading down a path of sainthood or debauchery. I couldn’t tell you the outcome of this, since I’m not completely done with the game yet. These choices possibly determine the future of his relationship with Katherine and whether or not Vincent achieves a certain kind of nirvana.

The game follows a particular pattern, but doesn’t feel repetitive or formulaic. Every new nightmare Vincent has is a different set of puzzles where he has to arrange blocks in a certain order and climb and race to the very top while the area is either collapsing and disappearing, or a manifested demon appears to try and kill Vincent. There is almost always a new obstacle, my least favorite being ice blocks that can send Vincent skidding along and falling to his doom. The puzzles definitely become more difficult, and I’m on EASY mode! If Vincent makes it through, however, he is given a challenge of morals at the end and then proceeds to go about the next day in the real world, trying to relate his nightmares to his relationship problems.

The entire game has an interesting style. Because of its more grounded, psychological tale of relationship woes and wants compared to the more direct, physical conflicts we get in most games, it takes advantage of traditional animation and tells the story as if we were watching an entire anime series. Sometimes the pacing becomes rather slow, especially as every visit to The Stray Sheep involves hearing whiny, expository comments from its patrons. Sometimes you’re bombarded with messages from Katherine and Catherine.

Although I can commend the game for exploring the more complicated facets of relationships compared to the more narrow approach taken by other games that include a romance arc, Catherine suffers from the typical Japanese style of dialogue where many lines can be rather misinterpreted and sometimes makes what is supposed to be an exploration of social functioning appear rather black and white. Of course, that is one person’s take on it, as there are people out there who may completely relate to these characters. This is certainly one of the few “mature” games that actually does feel like a game for adults.

Catherine is brought to you by Tokyo-based studio Atlus and as of this post I am hearing that this is, in fact, their most successful game in North America to date, which is great. The game itself is well-done (seemingly, as of the 6th floor level) in many respects and as the icing on the cake, the English dubbing is not half-bad.

Alpha Protocol — Endgame.

I managed to finish Alpha Protocol last night, putting duty (mostly) before my own personal needs, although I did romance two women in the game. A lot of what I said about the game in my last post about it still seems to stand till the very end.

The game has a number of bugs that needed sorting out desperately. I couldn’t even progress past an area in the game because the script glitched out and would never load and I was stuck in one area until I completely reloaded the game and manually loaded the save file, redoing the whole mission. Thorton is incapable a lot of the time of throwing a grenade while crouched in cover no matter how far out you try to stick. Sometimes his grenade throws land in the wrong spots, like when they magically stick right next to your cover and deplete a significant amount of your health. Meanwhile, enemies will always know where you will go and throw their own grenades accordingly. This is kind of frustrating, except watching Thorton’s ragdoll body fly all over the map which his incredibly deadpan face in slow motion is one of more hilarious things in the game. Thorton is also incapable of taking cover on a moderate number of flat surfaces. You will find a perfectly flat wall next to an opening, an entrance or a door, and tap A as rapidly as you want but he’s not leaning on it.

I abused this game to no end. You can get by the entire game on mastering the art of stealth and the pistol as I have. Once you unlock the Clean Shot skill in the Pistols rank, you can eliminate pretty much every boss in just two sessions (like Bioware games, skills need “cooldown” time to recharge for another use). Of course, maybe you’re the type to go in guns blazing. Any game that delivers an opportunity to take a quiet approach, I’m going to take it, habitually at this point.

If it weren’t for the dialogue options, and the fact that the order that you play the missions actually affects how events unfold in the game, there would be absolutely no reason to ever go back to Alpha Protocol. It’s interesting at least to see how characters react to Thorton as a character whether you’re deliberately going out of your way to get them to like you or dislike you. The strange thing about these responses is that Thorton still delivers any kind of line in such a deadpan manner it’s like hearing the male version of Daria. Pick an angry, threatening response, and he’ll tell you he’ll put a bullet through your head in the same tone as he’d probably tell someone he’s got a stomach virus or his favorite sports team lost a game.

In the end, I admire that this game tried to bring a sort of different approach to all the spy games we’ve played in the past, and the whole plot is serviceable on the same level as it would be for a major motion picture starring Sam Worthington. I actually discussed in great detail months back that a game like Alpha Protocol, sans glitches and mediocre voice acting, is how James Bond games should play. It would be great. I honestly would play a sequel, but please give it to another team. Obsidian and I are very close to being arch nemeses.

3/5

Oregon Trail — Eagles will take your kids away.

The other day I was watching a rerun of G4′s Attack of the Show when the hosts interviewed one of the actors from film director Zack Snyder’s newest excuse to use slow motion: Sucker Punch. Either I didn’t pay full attention to the interview, or the entire interview was just the hosts asking about said actress’s “love” of videogames which amounted to her saying she loves games on her iPhone, like Oregon Trail. This got my attention in the strangest way that I can’t quite possibly expand on. It was already one thing to say you love videogames then name one that’s exhausted its nostalgia factor and is now just another internet meme, but Oregon Trail just sounded so random to me. Then I remembered I actually downloaded Oregon Trail for iOS but never actually played it until yesterday.

"A broken leg? I hope you like running!"

Well, of course if you were ever a kid in the ’80s or ’90s you probably played Oregon Trail in computer classes or at a public library. Beyond the “edutainment” label, I wouldn’t know what to call it beyond time management although so many events that go down along the Trail feel random and cheat you out at the same time. Instead of the deliciously ugly visuals on the Apple II, we get a cartoony design worthy of a syndicated comic strip. Many options are stripped down, I noticed. From what I remember, you actually decided how many oxen, sets of clothes, pounds of food, bullets you’d take on the trip depending on your profession. In the iOS take, you basically pick a profession, weigh out the pros and cons, and have everything decided by two meters: food and everything else. You can still buy stuff at the general stores at the many settlements you come across during the journey, but now these items affect how ahead you keep to schedule and how often these supplies will be used on the trip. Bullets seem infinite, and simply tapping on the animals to shoot at them takes away the entire challenge of the arrow keys. Everything has a mini-game attached to it instead of what amounted to rolling a die and seeing how your chances held up. You tap berries as they appear on the bushes to collect them in your basket before they disappear. You fling your fishing line and try and capture X number of pounds of bass and Sharktopus-sized catfish. You hammer nails as they align to the circle for the perfect hit a la many music rhythm games. The strangest one is the Simon-like post office game where you tap on different telegraphs in a pattern for experience points and, I guess, contact people back home?

Some strange additions to this game. Some narrator type yokel makes fun of you for declining to hunt for game. If I’m good on food and I need to keep up to schedule, why would I lose a day to hunt? Screw off! Were eagles snatching children a big problem in the 19th century? To be fair, if you tap the screen at the right time you can bring that sucker down and contribute to the extinction of the American bald eagle. Although they’re just relegated to “snakebites,” why in hell are giant snakes eating children? There doesn’t seem to be any way around that. My personal favorite is the family riding you for picking up an extra passenger who just lies on his ass and doesn’t contribute anything to help ease your journey and you get a measly (well, by 2011 standards) $5 that won’t buy much. At least they had the foresight to design crossing rivers in a way that I won’t die from wading in two feet of water.

Honestly though, I CAN, in fact, recommend this 99-cent app at the App Store, if only because they recognized some of the lunacy of the original games and made it just a little wackier and much more colorful.

Infinity Blade — Father, grandfather, great-grandfather, I will avenge you.

I am sadly prone to throw away countless dollars on iOS games. Some of them are good, some addicting, but in the end I’ll play the game for maybe a week or a month and move on. I bought into the Angry Birds phenomenon when I got my iPhone 4 and after a short while I got sick of it while everyone else continues to sing its praises. I have THREE racing games, but the only one that ever got my attention for more than a month was Real Racing. I’m not even bothering with the sequel despite its critical acclaim. Just when I thought I’d be done downloading apps to my phone did I find one so glorious, fun, and frustrating that I’m mad at myself for not having jumped sooner (although I managed to find it on sale one weekend for $3). That game, folks, is Chair Entertainment’s Infinity Blade.

So yes, this is yet another late-to-the-party entry, and aside from Pokemon Black, Infinity Blade is my other mobile addiction at the moment. The premise seems simple: in a land where fake Latin is spoken, you are a warrior on a quest to defeat the God King. I wish I had thought of a name like “God King” back in the days of AOL. Best. Screen name. Ever. Anyway, in a medieval take on Nintendo’s Punch-Out! games, you get into fights with other warriors, which consist of dodging hits left or right and striking when the enemy leaves an opening. Chaining together sword strikes can have devastating effects on enemies. Dodging in the right direction also gives the player a “dodge break” allowing them to get some hits in and STRIKE FOR MASSIVE DAMAGE. You make your way to the God King and his protégé. The God King will undoubtedly slaughter you on your first encounter with him and then, years later, your now grown-up son will undertake his father’s armor and avenge him. Then he’ll probably die, and HIS son will take up the mantle, and if you still can’t bring the God King down then, well, you get the idea. Honestly, thinking about the big picture, I would hate to be part of this bloodline. Supposedly the further the bloodline, the harder the game will get. I’m only on the third bloodline and I STILL haven’t taken the God King out.

 

Infinity Blade: WITH A VENGEANCE!

The game does reward you with money, potions, and experience points. You can spend the points to increase attack power, health, defense, etc. and money on new armor, weapons, and rings that have certain spells like healing or poisoning. It gets quite addicting because there are really so many items to choose from and different ways to equip items that you’re always looking for the best combination possible.

My issues with the game might stem from my own iPhone screen as sometimes my character does not dodge when I need him to, and running my finger up the screen actually doesn’t respond. My giant hands are prone to excessive sweat and all that crap, so take that complaint with a grain of salt. However, if you’re quick enough, you can practically be a ninja in loud-ass armor. I’m certain playing the game for a long period of time will do a number on the iPhone’s battery life, give its impressive visuals and man can that thing get hot.

This experience begs the question: Where the HELL is my Star Wars lightsaber battle game that should play exactly like this?!

Alpha Protocol — Just hand me a pistol.

I am a little late to the party on this one. Thursday I celebrated my 26th birthday and, along with getting Marvel vs. Capcom 3, I got some extra cash and paid Toys R Us a quick visit. Inevitably heading over to the games area, I started browsing until I happened to notice all the way on the top shelf hidden in a corner was a game I had always been curious to experience: Alpha Protocol. The Sega game was developed by Obsidian Entertainment, who brought us the sequel to Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic and recently Fallout: New Vegas. This is an action RPG game that borrows a lot of its design from Bioware’s Mass Effect titles. One of the more intriguing features in its premise is that this is pretty much a spy RPG, which you don’t see much.

I’ve played through the tutorial and the first two countries and at this point I think I have the mechanics of Alpha Protocol down pretty well. The beginning has you run through an institution that ends up as a test to see how well the protagonist, Michael “I Swear I’m Not Boring Ass Sam Worthington” Thorton, handles himself in the field. One of the more hilarious moments in the tutorial is the agency chief’s way of explaining CONVERSATIONS WITH PEOPLE, and Michael acts as if he’s never had different chats with different people in his life. I don’t know if real spies just have dialogue that’s only relevant to their assignment, or they stop to chat about the latest episode of Dexter in between neck-snapping, but hearing that acting like a douche bag might not always be the best approach to people or that you even have a choice to be nice, sarcastic, or professional/stoic. Although one of the finer points made is that people react to different approaches. One character might actually prefer that you’re a jerk, and flirt too much and you’re just a creepy stalker who needs to keep his libido in check.

 

"No, I was NOT Jake Sully in Avatar!"

 

 

Actually, the conversational system is one of the bigger, more impressive draws of Alpha Protocol. Typically, RPGs that give players the choices to respond to NPC phrases almost always have a black and white approach to them. One response is typically the polite, stoic, harmless response. The other is either incredibly polite, nice, on a knight-in-shining-armor level, or the incredibly evil, mean, plain douche-y response, and of course how you respond affects your relationships with other characters whether in a romantic sense or as allies or whatever. Alpha Protocol follows a milder approach to it, where Thorton’s replies can be aggressive, modeled after Jack Bauer from the series 24. Then there’s a suave response, which takes some phrases after famous spy James Bond, typically used as sarcasm and especially flirting if Thorton speaks to a woman. Jason Bourne of the Bourne books and films inspires the ‘professional’ responses, that tend to get to the point. This apparently genuinely affects the story and how mission circumstances play out, for once. I spoke to a gentleman who appreciated my professional, stern approach, and offered to assist me in my next mission. Apparently had I been an ass to him, I would be fighting his troops at the end. All of this happened because I spared someone close to him rather than shoot her face. I can even buy more weapons from the black market as a result.

When the fun chats aren’t going down, you’re on a mission that will require you to steal information, or kill someone important. After outfitting yourself with your preferred choices or weapons and armor, you can either go on your mission and just shoot up the place or take a quieter approach, sneak up on the bad guys and you have a choice of lethal and non-lethal takedowns. The gameplay is modeled after Mass Effect in that how you distribute skill points across the board affects how effective your weapons and your abilities are throughout Alpha Protocol. I’ve decided I like silence, and a challenge, so I’m honestly putting my points into stealth and pistol rankings. You can also upgrade health/resilience, and melee combat, another field I’m tinkering with. I actually kind of enjoy beating up bad guys when I can, but sometimes the bad guys will take a step back with their guns and Michael apparently has the reach of a nine-year-old.

The shooting can get frustrating if you come in expecting Gears of War style of combat. Your stats and weapon modifications can affect how powerful your gun is and how fast you can take them down. This is primarily why I like to sneak and take down guards. Sneaking is actually pretty easy although sometimes you’ll be forced into firefights.

Sneaking is honestly easy because all of the enemies in Alpha Protocol are, well, DUMB. They have zero peripheral vision, and take a while to recognize you as a threat. Plus if you upgrade your stealth ranking, you can unlock an ability that renders you invisible for a few seconds to get away before it all goes sour. However, in firefights they can get grenade-happy and chug frags your way. This is frustrating sometimes because if you’re crouched against a wall for cover, leaving cover will keep Thorton moving slowly and you have to stand up quickly enough to get far away from the explosion, which can do a LOT of damage. On top of that, the camera gets really stupid and closes up on random things, the wrong locations, and tricks you into thinking you have a shot that will just hit a piece of the concrete or whatever it is you’re using for cover. Bad guys also like to charge, and I HATE when enemies charge at you. Most people wouldn’t mind because enemies in shooting games tend to just stand there and fire away reducing their entire existence to cannon fodder. Luckily you can easily take them down if they charge down your way with a simple tap of a button.

One thing I can’t stop thinking about is that the game is kind of ugly. The cutscenes tend to have a washed out look with strange filters on the screen that’s supposed to emphasize the drama and down-to-earth attitudes of the narrative, but games don’t do this well at all. There’s also the frequent screen-tearing and ugly modeling.

The other thing I can’t get off my mind is that Alpha Protocol has one of the worst title screen tunes ever. It’s not even music. It’s like what evil scientists would blast in your ears to ‘experiment’ on you: just a bunch of random screeching noises with no rhythm whatsoever and I’m always desperate to hit the Start button.

I don’t know how far into Alpha Protocol I’ve reached, but this will be part one of a two-parter.